help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
