she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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