how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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