dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
