he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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