Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
