Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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