the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
