I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
