My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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