WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
As shirtless as possible
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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