I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We smell like vodka and hangover
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