I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
