I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Are my feet made of real feet?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
