Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
