i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
