His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
