its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
