So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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