I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
