Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
