she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
