I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
