Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
