So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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