I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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