let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
