I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
