i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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