I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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