You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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