Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
