I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
