thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
