Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
