well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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