worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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