You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
