Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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