We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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