think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
