I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize