IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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