I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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