Jerry, you need to find god
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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