brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
