fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize