I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
