I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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