How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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