No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
