Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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