By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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