My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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