No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
