I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
