Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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