Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize