R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
