it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize