Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
