I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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