everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
