You can't special order awesome
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
