The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize