if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
