if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think i got beer on your cat.
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