It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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