Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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