You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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