I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
