i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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